To those of you who celebrate Easter or who at least enjoy a good chocolate Easter bunny, Happy Easter!
Even though I know I should be living in the moment and enjoying today, instead I am sitting here thinking about April 3rd! 1 week from today I will be in London, ready for my Coaching course.
This is important to me in many different ways.
Firstly, this will be my first time in the UK without my husband and without visiting family. It’s been a whole year since I was last in England. My mother doesn’t know I am there, as I don’t feel comfortable telling her about this particular trip. This course is a big deal to me! I want to be focused and make the most of it. I don’t want my mother, who is also a life coach and mindfulness trainer to taint my experience in any way, by comparing me to herself, by minimising my abilities and by generally making me feel crap. Narcissistic mothers are great at that!
I already live with the emotional scars of not feeling confident in anything that I do, due to my mother’s constant negative criticisms growing up. I already feel a little concerned that my anxiety will kick in the morning before the course starts and I will feel vulnerable being in a room full of people I don’t know. I am determined to get on with it though, anxiety or not.
I am nervous abut many things.. I am nervous about travelling in all it’s entirety. Planes, tubes and just generally being in the eye of this awful ISIS storm at the moment. The fact that the world is so unsafe at the moment, exacerbates my anxiety. Having Complex PTSD means I forget to breathe, I get triggered by loud sounds, by turbulence, by almost anything and everything. I am always hoping that I will never be part of another traumatic experience, as I truly am not able to cope anymore. My brain is already overly stimulated!
On the bright side and with all scary things aside, I am very grateful to be going to London. I lived there for 7 years and since leaving I have always missed certain aspects of it. I still have many friends there, families I nannied for and many good experiences overall. I adore British shopping, all the variety of yummy food you get in Marks & Spencers, Waitrose etc..and of course being around English speaking people. I am looking forward to seeing my friends for dinner after each day doing the course and I am also excited about roaming around some of the shops & cafes I always went to.
I am currently trying to finish this book I was sent about Coaching, which I am supposed to read before the start of the course. I also have to come up with some ‘problems’ that can be practiced during the course with other trainees. It’s been so long since I have studied anything, so feeling very out of practice. This should ease me back into learning again however, and I am hoping my brain won’t let me down!
Overall, I am pretty sure I will manage to achieve what I want next week, despite any possible bumps in the road. My husband will also be travelling for work, so we will have to try and keep in touch in between all the things we will be doing. Most of all, hopefully we will return home to each other safe and sound.