Doodling after ages..Nightmares are making me feel exhausted


I have been feeling a little unsettled recently..

PTSD Nightmares have creeped in again and have been rather frequent over the last couple of weeks..

Ever since the confrontation with my mother about my brother knowing she is a narcissist (through a little help from me), my subconscious has been trying to process the hypervigilance and tension I felt the day of that call…Although I don’t take my mother that seriously anymore and I am very good at distancing myself from her stern manner & ridiculous threats, my mind is nevertheless brainwashed into being affected…

As much as I am wanting to sustain a reasonable relationship with her, so I can still be part of my extended family on her side, I still have many things that I choose to keep hidden from her as a protective measure.

Dealing with her narcissistic disapproval or anger, is something best avoided as I don’t want to partake in the narcissistic dance of drama that she so desperately craves.

One of the things I was keeping hidden, was of course the fact that I told my brother about her narcissism. That is now out in the open and I managed to settle things right down with her. The second part of my life that is hidden from her is the fact that I have a Coaching certificate, 2 blogs and a youtube channel, which all focus on healing from narcissistic abuse.

These things have been part of my healing journey and are a big part of wanting to give back to others on a similar journey. Spreading awareness of narcissistic parental abuse is something I am obviously deeply passionate about.

I have many parts of my life that I choose to keep hidden from my abusers. This is the sensible thing to do. Now that I am no longer on speaking terms with my father, the only confrontation that may come up in the future, is if my mother finds out about my youtube channel..

Although it isn’t listed under my full name, I do use my husband’s surname instead of my own. This is something she could easily search online and would lead her to my youtube channel. This obviously makes me a little uneasy but when the time comes, I know I will able to deal with it constructively.

I started doodling again recently.When nightmares of punishing looks, abandonment, fear & anxiety start dominating most of my nights, I end up feeling a little disheartened. This is when art becomes my therapy once again…

I feel that my doodle seems a little chaotic, which I guess is a good indication of how I am feeling inside at the moment.

Thanks for reading

Love Athina ♥



Beauty in music

In one of my old posts, I wrote about how much music kept me sane when I was neglected as a teenager..Lyrics have always been very important to me in combination with piano or acoustic guitar..They touch me deep inside and I get chills when I can relate to the song completely-cognitively, emotionally and acoustically..

I also wrote so many poems as a coping mechanism..A lot of them expressed the anger I had to swallow in those difficult years, when I wasn’t allowed to have a voice..They expressed escaping from the pain I was in and being free of the constant invalidation..

I love this song..It is beautiful in so many ways…

Love Athina ♥

Crafts & art – When my soul is aching I turn to my creative side

Struggling with emotional pain has always pushed me into the direction of creativity. Whether it’s blogging, journaling, poetry, doodling or crafts..Creativity helps soothe always has and always will..These are actually my makes…Share them on your page or community if you know people who support handmade crafts..♥

I have a page on etsy too which you can see in the link below! Thank you!

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The Blogger Recognition Award


I would like to express my deepest thanks to Hubby1979 and Bittersweet1976 & their blog , for nominating me for The Blogger Recognition Award. They are a wonderful married couple who write about their struggles with depression. The blog is in the style of writing letters to each other about their feelings, which is a lovely, unique way of sharing their journey with the blogging world.

I’d also like to thank them for reblogging my post ‘Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome’, especially because this is something so many people have experienced and it’s very important to raise awareness.

Here are the guidelines for the award:

  1. Select 15 other blogs you want to give the award to.
  2. You cannot nominate yourself or the person who has nominated you.
  3. Write a post to show your award.
  4. Give a brief story of how your blog started.
  5. Give a piece of advice or two to new bloggers.
  6. Thank whoever nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  7. Attach the award badge to the post (right click and save, then upload.)
  8. Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them.
  9. Provide a link to the original post on Edge of Night.


I initially had started a blog under the same name on I had a huge falling out with my narcissistic mother, after years of keeping my mouth shut and holding my feelings in. I spent the whole Christmas & New Year in 2014 coming to terms with my new found knowledge of narcissistic abuse & grieving the mother I never had. Starting a blog in January 2015 was a way for me to cope with the realisation that I never had a healthy mother (& father).

My blog here on wordpress was created in June 2015 after a very difficult time following my father’s suicide attempt. I spent 2 weeks of utter hell in and out of hospital in ICU and then getting him admitted to a psychiatric hospital for the 2nd week. My father is a narcissist and  a very controlling and self destructive person. He had been severely depressed for 2 years and hadn’t wanted to see a regular therapist. He is also married to a narcissist who is half his age and a gold-digger. The toxic environment he lived in & the lack of support from his wife, lead to his eventual suicide attempt.

Blogging has become a very important part of my life as it is very healing for me and also provides knowledge & and support to many other bloggers with a similar background.

I also want to reduce the stigma of mental illness, share my knowledge & experience of narcissistic abuse and the subsequent recovery of complex trauma.


I would say:

1. Write from the heart and always respect other peoples’ writing and journey.

2. Be friendly, say Hi to your fellow bloggers and re-blog posts that you find very interesting or helpful.

3. Pay any kindness forward!

Lastly, I would like to nominate the following bloggers:

  1. assemblyofme
  2. kellybristow
  3. Val Incognito
  4. mydarkbrain
  5. fightorflights
  6. sometalkofyouandme
  7. luciareachesforfreedom
  8. emma75love
  9. abbiegrrlrecoveryblog
  10. painoftheempath
  11. A glimpse inside of a troubled mind


Love, hope & healing

circles1Even though I am away from home and been in New York for 3 weeks, I still managed to create some art last night which made me feel very happy ..I brought some marker pens with me, but obviously couldn’t bring too many of my art supplies as we already had 2 suitcases each. After exploring so much over the last 3 weeks I didn’t get round to doing any doodling..and that is a good thing I guess..I have been busy enough enjoying my new surroundings and not stuck at home for too many hours ruminating over things that are painful..New York has been a breath of fresh air and a new bonding experience for my husband and I..

On the other hand, it’s been 5 months since the traumatic suicide attempt of my father and nearly 4 months of no contact with him..I have been feeling much better about it all after having some distance..I grieved a lot after it happened and it would catch me by surprise sometimes when out in public…Since being here in NY I’ve only had one tearful moment thinking about him lying in that bed bruised & swollen in a coma. It was on our 1 year anniversary..He helped arrange our wedding last year and it meant the world to me that he was there, especially because he was already very depressed back then and I had a bad feeling that something would happen to him…but now things have changed..The bad thing happened and it will never be the same again…I lost my dad that day even if he is still alive..

This time in New York is so precious right now and such a great distraction for me..I am appreciating every moment of it as I know that when we return home, I will start processing all my traumas in therapy with EMDR which will be tough work and also my husband and I will be returning to Greece for 3 weeks holiday at Christmas/New year. It will be the first time I am going ‘home’ where I am not on talking terms with my father..It will be emotional for me and very difficult..My husband deserves a holiday though, as he hasn’t had a real one this year..Our February & May holiday in Greece was ruined by my Dad’s severe depression & suicide attempt and I can see my husband is desperate for a ‘real holiday’ as even NY is work for him. He said that if anything happens with my father, he will immediately return home and stay away..As much as that holiday will be a huge challenge for me, at least we have my husband’s sister to spend our time with at Christmas..

There is always hope & love somewhere in all the chaos and drama..I try to hold onto that to keep going and very grateful to have more of that in my life now, than I ever did before..

Thanks for reading x