A little bit of drama..

I am back home after my short trip to Scotland and pretty happy to be in the comfort of my own cosy nest.

Last Sunday, hubby drove me to the airport in the morning. Although I was very prepared emotionally for staying at my mother’s home, (after our major fallout 2,5 years ago) my anxiety nevertheless creeped up on me, just as we approached the airport. It actually felt so bad, that I told hubby to keep his mobile on, in case I needed him to come back and get me..

Being around abusive & manipulative individuals will always keep you on guard.  In my mother’s case, because she is a covert narcissist, her abusive behaviours are well concealed..Because I know that she has a tendency to bring up past drama & past hurts, my mind was already in a hypervigilant state.

Luckily I was prepared for the appearance of anxiety, so I took a xanax to at least get me on the plane. Hubby was also flying off to Israel for work, so we would both be away. Separations are always hard.

When I arrived in Edinburgh, it was a lovely sunny day. There were flowers on sale everywhere at the airport and train station for Mother’s Day, and it all felt a little strange.

Although I am mostly over the fact that my Mother is unhealthy, the sadness of not having had a reassuring & unconditionally loving mother is something that I have just had to learn to live with.

When I arrived, my mother picked me up from the station and we went straight to my grandmother’s. It had been 4 years since I had last seen my grandmother, so this was the main reason for my visit. My cousin also turned up with her dog, which made the afternoon feel even more pleasant.

Afterwards, we drove to my mother’s new home and caught up on all things house related that still needed to be finished. It was nice to see her new home, although I have never felt ‘at home’ in any of my mother’s homes in the past 15 years. The normal warmth & deep motherly love have never been a part of my life. There has always been a superficialness in her love towards me, a superficial feeling of empathy and my mother’s hugs have always felt empty, from a very young age. I know it isn’t my mother’s fault, that she has a personality disorder which hurts her children but unfortunately this was the mother I was given.

Over the next few days, we walked around the shops and I stocked up on my favourite Scottish Shortbread, scones and other yummy cakes. We had lunch and dinner with my mum’s older and younger sisters. I spent a lovely afternoon at my aunt’s farm and enjoyed some cuddles with all the lovely animals, including some labrador puppies.

Apart from a little anxiety due to feeling car sick in my mother’s car, I was ok.

In the evening our conversations became deeper and my mother talked about my Dad and how she had tried to take my brother & I away from him when I was only 4. She had seen by that point, how emotionally distant and cruel my father could be and didn’t want to live like that anymore. She had left her most important possessions with British friends in Greece and had prepared for the possibility of not returning. She had asked my Grandparents if they would let her stay with them in Edinburgh, until she figured out what to do next. She told me that they refused to let her go through with her plan. They told her that she had made a choice and had to return to her husband and her life in Greece. That she had a responsibility towards her children.  She admitted to me that she was very hurt at the time by her parents’ lack of support but that she later understood that they were right.

The biggest reason my mother and I had our major fall-out 2,5 years ago was because she had once again dismissed my feelings as being unimportant and had also made excuses as to why she didn’t want me to stay with her for a couple of months, while I worked and earned money for my Masters.

I realised that the lack of unconditional love was generational. If her mother could send her back to a controlling and abusive husband, because she couldn’t deal with the stress of having us, then my mother could do the same to me.

On my last morning in Scotland and 10 min before I was due to catch my train, my mother brought up the past disappointments from 2 years ago, as if she wanted to rub them in my face again. She said that she hoped I understood the reasons why she wasn’t able to have me stay with her. I told her that in my eyes her reasons weren’t that important and that I felt unwanted and that I could never ask her for anything ever again. I also told her that I have accepted that she has limitations and that I should only accept what she can offer me. She seemed to be happy with that last sentence. She said that, if in the future anything awful happened, that of course she would absolutely support me.

Sadly, I will never ask for her support again and I don’t have any expectations of her. I let that go in my grieving 2 years ago and have accepted that my relationship with my mother now, will be a different one.

When I eventually arrived back home in Germany, I was relieved and very tired. I slept like a baby for the next few days. Hubby arrived home too, so all was back to normal.

I may not have a father in my life anymore, but a little drama will still be a small part of my life once a year.

Thanks for reading

Love Athina ♥

 

 

The quiet after the storm

pier-336717_1920

I haven’t written an update in awhile in regards to the situation with my father, so decided to let you know what has been happening whilst I have a lazy day in bed..

So far, so good..No more contact, no more phonecalls and no more letters.

Maybe my father has finally got the message that I no longer want a relationship with him..

This is very good..It’s good for my sanity, it’s good for my healing and it’s good for my grieving..

I am hoping that the current quiet time stays that way..

At the end of the month I am bravely heading to Edinburgh to stay with my mother, after almost 2 years of not visiting her at her home. She has just recently moved there from West Sussex, so I thought it could be a new opportunity to be civil but mostly to see my grandmother and the rest of my family..

Through therapy, I decided that I was strong enough and wise enough to continue a relationship with my narcissistic mother, mainly because I didn’t want to lose contact with the rest of my family, especially my cousins.

With my mother, although things aren’t ideal as she still remains a covert narcissist with histrionic traits, I am better equipped to put up with her dysfunction..I am very good at just observing her and don’t allow what she says anymore to affect me..I don’t need her..I don’t value what she says and I see her as this lost child..I have good boundaries and keep repeating the same words when she starts pushing..

If she were to die tomorrow, I wouldn’t be devastasted..This probably may sound harsh to some of you but I have already spent years grieving the mother I didn’t have..

I have already grieved the lack of a healthy mother and I have already grieved the fact that I wasn’t able to find true comfort & empathy in her.

Through my life, I have found warmth in other older women: great aunts, mothers of certain friends etc. I have felt true warmth and empathy in women I unfortunately don’t see very often, due to circumstance and distance. I have found real empathy and love in my hubby and in my friends..

My mother feels more like a needy acquaintance, like a dysfunctional therapy project, which I observe and just write notes on..When you are dealing with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, you have to learn to distance yourself emotionally..I have definetely managed to do this very well.

It is sad to say this, but unfortunately it is the reality of how I feel..

My brother on the other hand doesn’t want to see her or speak to her at all..He is happiest away from her..It is more complicated for him to speak to her in a careful way, due to his special needs..He thinks like a child in so many ways but understands very deeply that she is dangerous for him..He hasn’t grieved her, as he doesn’t have the capacity to understand his need to grieve for her. He is mostly just angry and very protective of himself which is ok..

I am grateful I have gone through so much recovery and have come out the other side..

Although things have been tough, I am definetely feeling a lot more comfortable in my life..

When I fly to Edinburgh it is actually on Mother’s day! I had no idea when I booked the flights and it is kinda ironic really!

The good thing when I arrive is that I will go straight to my Grandmother’s house and that makes me feel much more comfortable. I don’t get to see her very often but she definetely bears no resemblance to my mother’s ways. My grandmother is cuddly and affectionate and very giving whenever I am with her..It has always made me wonder how on earth my mother turned out so sick. My Grandmother is 92 this year so it has been on my mind to visit her for awhile.

Now that I will no longer be going to Athens as much, due to the situation with my father, trips to Scotland will hopefully become a little more frequent.

Yesterday was a suprisingly good day for me. I had my first day as a part-time nanny for a Greek/German family that live reasonably close to me and it was such a joy to be helping out a truly wonderful mum. Her empathy & love for her children radiated. Her 3 kids were so well behaved and happy. Her husband was supportive and loving.

A new part-time job is just what I need at the moment, to keep me busy when I am not coaching or making youtube videos..I do love kids and always feel so protective towards them due to my background..Even though hubby and I have said we don’t want kids due to my CPTSD, I will always very much enjoy looking after them and protecting them. Maybe one day we can foster children. That is definetely something that I could see myself doing.

Thanks for reading

Love Athina ♥

 

 

Infantilization

Very useful post and some news about signing up to a patreon account! Support me to support others. Thank you x

Courage Coaching

You might have heard of the term infantilization but you may not realise how incredibly abusive it is when a parent does this to their child.

It is only natural for a growing child to start developing independent thoughts, actions and opinions. For a narcissistic parent this can be very threatening, as they want to continue controlling their child and use them for narcissistic supply.

Check out my video for an explanation of what infantilization is.

Some examples of infantilization are as follows:

A parent stops a teenager from socialising with friends or doesn’t allow them any privacy in their bedroom. The parent may still treat them as if they are a young child whereas a teenager needs growing independence and privacy.

A parent buys their child age-inappropriate clothing and/or arranges age-inappropriate activities.

A parent might not allow the child to speak for themselves, when they are asked a question…

View original post 292 more words

The calm before the storm

storm-1504607_1920

As I predicted, my father’s reply letter arrived today, even though I said I no longer wanted contact.

Last night I went to bed full of anxiety and today I asked my husband to check the mailbox, as I wanted nothing to do with it.

I knew that if I had his letter in my hand, it would be too difficult to not open the envelope and read it.

Luckily, we folded the letter and put it into another envelope and my husband posted it back. I asked him to write the address as well.

I feel sick to my stomach again from all the fluctuating emotions and utterly exhausted from the tension.

I worry that things are going to get worse from now on and that the next letter will be from his lawyer.

I need to find out what my rights are, for taking my dad’s money from our shared account. After his suicide attempt, he scared the shit out of me. I immediately envisioned a future with even more stress from his gold-digging wife. My therapist also warned me that financially things wouldn’t be good, as narcissists and particularly my father are controlling and irresponsible with their money. She said that I have to be prepared for chaos. This is why I took a portion of this money from our account. I also took this money cos I could see how careless he was being towards himself and his health. I wanted to have some money aside to help him in the future, when he had nothing left.

This of course, will no longer be necessary. Now, I am just protecting myself.

Due to the fact that I live with CPTSD, I have never been able to work full time for very long. My chronic exhaustion, bad memory and general bad mental health has made it very hard to even start considering saving money for the future. Most people in their mid 30’s have already started saving for their retirement. I haven’t been able to do this and this scares me.I also know that it isn’t my husband’s responsibility to pay for me, or to pay for any future expenses that I have because of my irresponsible father.

Now that I didn’t read my father’s reply letter and successfuly sent it back, I will crawl into bed and sleep. I will sleep so I don’t have to think about it anymore and I will sleep cos I feel exhausted.

His words will no longer poison my mind..

His desperation will no longer affect me..

His shaming will no longer hurt me..

I have already suffered enough..

Now is my time to focus solely on myself..♥♥

The dance of dysfunction

 

She feels the loss of her toxic past

She suffers the emptiness of a hole so vast

He plays the card of ‘clinically insane’

He plays the victim to control his pain

She loves with such loyalty

He loves with such hate

She fears with such sadness

his inevitable fate.

 

Return to sender

It will be a week tomorrow since I posted my last letter to my father. Although I have no idea when and if my letter to him arrived, his secretary who is also a friend, told me he has already sent me a reply.

I promised myself last week that if I received another letter from him, I would send it back unopened.

In all honesty I am contemplating reading it..

Just to see what crazy stuff he has come up with this time..

Or to see his reaction to my farewell letter…

or to see if he is making any threats about lawyers (which I am worried about).

self-criticism-440303_1280

I am fully aware that by reading his letter again, I will be affected mentally and physically..

That it won’t give me closure and that I can’t trust anything he says as the truth..

That he won’t say anything remotely empathetic or loving and that I will once again be crushed..

So why do it to myself? Why cause myself more pain? Haven’t I had enough already?

It’s going to take a lot of strength to not open it, as I keep wondering whether I will regret it if I don’t read it..

The reality however is that I can’t unread a letter..Once I read it, the words get stuck in my head..

So returning it unopened and unread sends a powerful message..Even more so than asking him not to contact me again..

20351_226466616620_4296393_n

Family photos don’t show the truth

Trigger alert *****

Last night I had a gruesome nightmare..I felt incredibly guilty because I took part in covering up a murder of a young woman and knowing that her body was dismembered.I have no idea how she died and why. My father was also in the dream although I don’t remember the details of why he was in it either. All I remember vividly is that I was on the run and was trying to stay hidden and safe..I felt scared and I felt guilty..

It was a very dark and unsettling dream..I am pretty sure it is symbolic of what I am going through right now, with the projected guilt I am feeling of cutting ties with him..

I hope I can stay strong and protect myself..

I just want it to finally be over..

Love Athina ♥

It’s over..

mandala b w better

…and so the final healing begins..

I just sent the last ever letter to my father, the last attempt to make contact…the last time I will ever spend time bargaining and fantasizing in my mind about how to say the perfect words, in hope that he will finally ‘get it’!

The difference this time is that I know he won’t get my words and there is no more hope left.

I also suspect that he won’t understand that this is the end of our relationship and he most likely won’t respect it! He doesn’t understand boundaries or healthy discussion, so it might take him awhile to fully realise what has happened if at all..

Below is what I wrote..

I wrote it mostly for myself, so I could get it off my chest, so I could feel good about my last words to my father..so I could feel empowered..

I received your letter and unfortunately I see that nothing has changed.

You didn’t take the things I wrote to you seriously.

My concerns were of no interest to you whatsoever.

My feelings once again didn’t matter.

The worst of all, is that you once again used emotional blackmail against me to get me to do what you want.

I don’t deserve to be treated this way!

I have been nothing but supportive to you over the years and you obviously don’t appreciate me!

The only thing that you are right about, is the fact that I am cutting off all contact with you from now on.

You aren’t who I thought you were. I no longer have the words to express how saddened I am.

Please don’t contact me again from now on!

Your personal life choices and those choices alone are responsible for the current state you are in.

Love just isn’t enough sometimes.

Take care

A.

I don’t feel any different yet..I don’t feel relief..I don’t feel free..I am hoping this will come with time..I am anxious and feeling guilty, which are the side effects of breaking free from a narcissistically abusive parent.

The side effects are similar to those of breaking free from a cult. When you have had constant programming from an extremely young age, it is very hard to remove those words from your mind.The hardest thing for me personally, is the false guilt & toxic shame that narcissists so nastily manipulate into your conscience.

General symptoms of withdrawal from a cult include confusion, depression, disorientation, insomnia, amnesia, guilt, fear, floating in and out of altered states, suicidal tendencies and emotional outbursts. Going ‘No contact’ with an abusive individual has similar effects. I am currently experiencing nausea, depression, false guilt, anxiety & fear. With time I know the intensity of these feelings will pass..

Hopefully now I really have the time and space to heal..It might be that I still get letters in the post or phonecalls, but as long as my phone is on flight mode and I return the letters unopened, he can’t hurt me anymore..

I am hoping that he doesn’t involve lawyers again..Even if he does however, I am in a different country, so I am relatively safe..

I’d like to finish this post with the words of my therapist…

You are the one sitting in the director’s chair of your life. You get to decide who plays a part in your movie and who doesn’t 🙂

Thanks once again for reading!

Hopefully  I can continue my day as productively as possible now.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Love Athina ♥

My narcissistic father’s reply

Unexpectedly, I received a reply letter from my father on Saturday. It took 1 day and a half to get from Greece to Germany, which is incredibly fast, especially because he only paid 0.90 cent to send it. I guess the world is trying to tell me how urgently I must cut ties with him once and for all.

His letter was full of guilt-tripping, lies, fabrications and talk about money.

Malignant narcissists are excruciatingly worse when they age but in all honesty, his reply is pretty much what I expected (minus the last glimmer of hope that I had, for him to say something like ‘forget about the money, I love you, lets talk’)

This is what he wrote after 1 year and a half of not speaking to me:

I can’t say I am happy to have received your letter because you hurt me very much with your words, although I am glad you are ok.

If you really love me, as you say you do, you would have made contact with me to see how I was doing, as you left me in a really bad state when you left Greece, without knowing if I was going to live or die.

A lot of what you said in your letter is right however you had absolutely no right to take my money that I worked so hard to make. I made a stupid mistake recently to buy a new piece of land without selling the house I am currently still living in and I am currently in desperate need of money.

You tell me that you never want to talk about money again, yet you still haven’t returned the money you took.

The reason I removed your photograph at my office is because you hurt me, however I have never seen a photograph of me in your things.

I am not able to write more due to my deep distress however you shouldn’t have let go of the flat you were staying in. I never told you you had to let it go!Now, all you have done is add more stress to my life because I now have to once again pay the maintenance costs etc. It seems you want to cut all ties with me and for this I am sorry.

When I was in the psychiatric clinic and my wife was telling you she had no money to pay it, you never offered to pay with the money you had already taken.

Unfortunately, my depression continues and I am in a very bad way and you have just made we feel a whole lot worse. Thanks a lot!

Can you please return the money?I will appreciate it and then things can go back to how they used to be with us.

I also love you a lot but you hurt me way more than I ever hurt you!

After I read the letter, I took a deep breath and then cried. I cried for the fact that he once again tried to guilt-trip me into returning his money. I cried because he said I never called him after I left Greece and that I left him in a state of life or death, which is ridiculous! I called, left messages and even sent him a birthday card, to which he ignored completely. I visited his place of work, for him to ignore me, as if I was a nobody.He explained why he had removed my photo and then made up the ridiculus fabrication that he has never seen a photo of himself in my things!!! How could he?!He hasn’t visisted my home for 8 years and in the holiday flat in Greece there were 2 photos of him and me when I was younger, which he obviously never noticed. I had also sent him wedding photos of all of us from 2014 which I never saw anywhere in his things.

It is incredible to what lengths a narcissistic parent will fabricate stuff just to achieve the purpose of manipulating and guilt-tripping their child into compliance.

He then accussed me of adding more stress to his life because I let go of the holiday flat that HE had set up in the first place! A flat that he had set up because I could not live in his home of 5 bedrooms, due to his ridiculous dysfunction and his controlling wife.

He also thanked me for making him feel worse! What a childish way to speak to your child?!

and the ‘I love you’ he said at the end, means absolutely nothing when he then says ‘I hurt him more than he ever hurt me’…

The only thing he seems to be sorry about is that he realises that I want to cut all ties with him.

He is probably more sorry about this due to the fact that he won’t get his money back, not due to the fact that he has just lost his daughter.

After this weekend, I realise how deeply I hoped that he might show me a normal human emotion as a parent..That he would realise that he has lost me and that it would matter more to him to re-connect than to talk about his money..

My father has left me nothing..No relationship, no love, no feeling of acceptance, no feeling of gratitude and I am actually disgusted that I am half of this person..I have been fighting a feeling of nauseating emotional pain all weekend and I don’t know what to do with this feeling..I have also been battling a terrifying fear of sending my last letter to him ever, which from an outsider’s point of view is ridiculous. It is ridiculous, because I know that if this was someone else’s blog post I was reading, I would say ‘No contact is essential with this person and you don’t have to be afraid, as you have already been dealing with the loss of this parent anyway.

In my last letter, I will state exclusively that I no longer want any contact and that he no longer has a daughter from this day forward. I will be cancelling my mobile phone number and will return any future letters to him. I have to make sure ‘he really gets it’, that he understands that this is the end of our relationship.

My hubby even offered to call my father at his office and let him know that after I received his letter, I am no longer wanting to talk to him and that it is for good. My hubby would warn him and say, that ”you have one last chance to save your relationship with your daughter and that if you want, you can fly to Germany in a few days and make amends”.If then my father doesn’t do it, then we will both know it is truly over.

I have been feeling extremely low, guilty, torn, worried about his mental health and worried about my own current state of mind. Last night I wanted to end my emotional pain..Knowing that your parent doesn’t love you is the worst pain you will ever know.I also realised how much stronger the trauma bonding is with my father than it was with my mother. When there are so many good memories with your abuser, as well as bad, the trauma bonding is even harder to break. This is why it has been extremely hard for me to completely let go and cut all ties with my father.

I am prepared now however, as I no longer have anything to lose.

I never had a healthy father (or mother), so I have always been an emotional orphan.

This is it!

I will send my last letter to him this week..My phone is on air-flight mode so he cannot call me…Luckily, here in Germany I don’t receive any calls from anyone, as I use Viber and Whatsapp so it isn’t a huge loss to have my phone off.

My sanity comes first and to anybody else out there who has a malignant narcissist for a parent, then ‘No Contact’ is the only way to restore your sanity!

I am soon to find out what this truly feels like.

f573ef5bb3b89b0109e81fa040625650d4b08eedc45f32f2b51d2057396b1435d158e207ea74dbe4bc986d2675fecd98

eb6112529c5144f602068b8c3c7ae760

Thanks for reading

Love Athina ♥

The desperation of a father who never learnt from his mistakes

img_0933

My half brother and my Dad playing at his home

My Dad always enjoyed spending time with his children. We softened up his heart..He told my mother once that he always had trouble feeling genuine love for anyone but with us children, he could feel it more..

We did all sorts of nice things such as playing ball, going to the park, fishing, going to the funfair and he always brought endless kittens home to us over the years, which were found in the various building sites he would visit when his architecture business was still booming.

He laughed at a lot..He made jokes a lot..

That side of him started disappearing a long time ago unfortunately..

I have a lot of good memories with my Dad when I was younger.He tried to give me more attention when I was still in primary school, because my mother always gave my brother 90% of her attention, due to his epilepsy and learning difficulties. The older I got however, the less attention I had and the lonelier and emptier I felt.

When I look at these photos, I see and remember my Dad’s kind side. I see the love for his kids, even if it wasn’t the kind of love that was enough or healthy.

img_1579

My Dad and I when I was 3- 1985

Yesterday, my farewell letter to my dad arrived.

The timing was perfect because my friend also dropped off the key to the flat as well. Before I even got round to checking the tracking number, my mobile started ringing. That’s how I knew my Dad had received the letter. He panicked..

In the afternoon when he was in his offce alone, he made 3 phonecalls and left 4 voicemails begging me to talk to him. He told me I was being too harsh to him.

The desperation in his voice was terribly difficult to hear. The empathetic, loving side of me aches with sadness. I can feel his desperation, his disbelief..

The logical, protective side of me knows it was the right thing to do..

The emotional side of me however is struggling..

If only I didn’t feel the emotional pain ..

His secretary told me this morning that he was already writing a reply letter to me. I feel more comfortable receiving a letter rather than speaking on the phone or hearing his voice in the voicemail messages. With his reply I am still in control of whether I respond or not. I have time to react. I have time to reflect.

_scf0371

My Dad tickling my older brother and his wife (step-mother who is only 5 years older than me)-2006

All I can say right now is that my grief is strong..The longing for the kinder side of my father is strong. I can’t forget all the bad stuff, all the dysfunction however.My love for him isn’t enough when I have been constantly hurt. My kindness and my ‘heart of gold’ as my dad once described, isn’t enough to put up with the constant dissappointment. He didn’t value me enough in the last years.

I was always the one who was there for my Dad emotionally. The sensitive sucker of a daughter, who was easily manipulated, who was told to act differently, who wasn’t welcome anymore in her father’s home, who wasn’t allowed to see her half brother, all because his wife didn’t want me to..He allowed all of it for his own selfish needs.Yet I still longed for the connection with him.

dad-paris-fishing

I treasured this summer evening-Fishing with my Dad and half brother when he was 6 years old)-

donis-birthday

May 2012-My brother’s birthday in Greece with my Dad joking around with him

dad-me-paris

Spring 2010-Dad, I and my half brother

The waiting now is going to be uncomfortable but I am prepared..I will keep busy, see friends, use distractions and hold onto the love in my home with my hubby..

He is my best friend and we always talk everything through so well..

I am so lucky to have him in my life, otherwise I probably would never have had the strength to cope with everything in the last couple of years.

Thanks for reading

Love Athina ❤

The letter

Following from my last post ‘The end of a chapter’, I decided that the only way to stop the phone-calls that my father keeps making to me is to actually tell him that I no longer want any contact.

I never explicitly told him this when we had our fall out. Once he gave me the silent treatment for a year and ignored me coldly when I visited his office, I decided that the only way to protect myself from further emotional distress , was to just not communicate with him.

Unfortunately, after he was over his ‘narcissistic strop’, he started calling me again, the day after my birthday. He has been making many attempts to re-connect with me by phone but has not once apologised for his behaviour or for the harm he caused me.

Now that I finally let go of the flat that we used in Greece, it felt only natural to inform him of this new development and to make sure that he knows that the responsibility for the flat is back with him. It was always in his name, yet he neglected to pay the bills and maintenance costs. Hubby and I were stuck with them and had to pay them yearly.

In my letter to him, I informed him that we have vacated the flat and that a friend of mine will drop off the key at his office. I informed him that he is responsible for paying the 200euro of maintenance costs and that we have informed the person in charge. I have informed him that I no longer feel comfortable using this flat, due to the current circumstances of our relationship.

The most important thing in this letter however, is the fact that I have finally informed him of my ‘terms & boundaries’. I have clearly stated that I do not use my phone anymore and that I do not see the point of re-connecting with him. I told him that I have had enough disappointment in my life in regards to his behaviour towards me. That I will not tolerate a relationship with a father, who is dysfunctional, controlling & a pathological liar. That I will not tolerate a relationship with a father who is also completely controlled by his malignant wife and who has poisoned him against everybody that truly care for him.

I have told him that if he had truly wanted a relationship with me, he would have told his wife that his relationship with me is important.He would have told his wife that he wanted to visit me in Germany all these years, instead of not doing it because she wouldn’t allow it. He would have used his wealth, to spend quality time with his children and treat everyone fairly. He would have explained to his wife that his children are important to him.

Instead, he allowed her to control him and I missed out on 18 years of a ‘normal’ relationship with my father.

Instead, he allowed her to threaten me. Instead he allowed her to talk badly of me.

Instead, he was abusive to her and his children, which in return made her abusive towards him.

Instead, he attempted to take his own life because of the pressure she had put on him financially.

Instead, he still returned to her and lives under her rules, her control and her nastiness.

Instead, he continues to neglect himself, his health, his children, his colleagues and obsesses constantly about money.

In my letter to him I stated that I deserve to have a father who doesn’t have to lie to spend time with me. I stated that on my wedding day, I deserved to have a Dad that was there completely and not a Dad who was freaking out because he had hadn’t told his wife it was my wedding day. I deserved a Dad that wasn’t hiding and worrying throughout the wedding meal.

I stated that I have done nothing but support him all these years and yet he hasn’t been able to put the effort in when it has mattered.

In the last few lines of this letter, I expressed my gratitude for the good memories I have with him and I wished him well.

This was my farewell letter.

I have told him not to contact me by phone anymore.

I am now patiently awaiting the arrival of this letter, so my friend can hand over the key to him. It was sent registered, so I am able to see when he receives it.

If he does not stop calling me then I will cancel my phone contract as a last resort.

This letter wasn’t easy..This letter was discussed with my therapist. By writing a letter however, I am better able to be in control.

I am not expecting a normal response.

I am hoping that it brings an end to the current situation of uncomfortable voicemails.

Thanks for reading

Athina ♥