No contact and feeling guilty

I must admit on here that I feel guilty not speaking to my father, even though he isnt speaking to me for ridiculous reasons.  I feel guilty as I was programmed to feel guilty when I was child. I don’t know how to not feel guilty. It is still so ingrained in me but I am working on it.

He chose his money over his own flesh and blood. It still hurts.What I know now however, is that it doesnt really matter anymore what he does or doesn’t do. I still love him and always will. He is my Dad. I will not let him hurt me anymore though. I have already decided I am sticking to ‘no contact’ even if one day he does try to speak to me. 

I am still grieving my loss after his suicide attempt and it’s a hurt that can’t be put into words..

Hyper / Hyposensitivity


Good afternoon all you dreamers and creamers,

After another long mute I once again feel the need to write something off my chest. I would like to continue my series on why I think that giftedness can be much more of a burden than it is often perceived to be.

I pretty much gave it away in the title but would like to elaborate on this a little more and show how exactly this can be so much of a burden.

I feel both of the above in a particular way. Always and about everything.

Whilst I dont want to go into the details of (the clinically not yet broadly recognised) emotional ‘hypersensitivity’ and use a checklist or something similar (if five of the next onehundred items apply to you, you are xzz..) – (as if anybody would always fall into manmade rosters), I also dont want to focus on…

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The little-known reasons why you need to leave the narcissist ASAP!

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about–unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist.

In fact, these two outcomes may be the most destructive result of emotional trauma over the long-term and is an added reason why–if you have children with a narcissistic partner–you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible.

By now, most of us know that repeated emotional trauma leads to both PTSD and C-PTSD, which should be reason enough to leave an abusive partner.  But, what many people don’t realize is that over time, these repeated emotional injuries shrink the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame.

Hippocampus basics

The hippocampus, which is Greek for “seahorse,” is a paired structure tucked inside each temporal lobe and…

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This blog has been healing..

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Ever since I joined a couple of support groups for my anxiety awhile back and now for my recovery from trauma, narcissistic abuse and others, I have found it immensely helpful.

What I didn’t realise was how healing it has been for me to have this blog and my facebook support page. I have not only shared my feelings & struggles, but also supported others. This is so valuable! People are made to reach out and connect with others and it is so lovely to see many others do the same. This community of bloggers who share posts about mental health and their own struggles, reduces the stigma and provides incredible validation.

Thank you to all my followers, those I follow and the many many other blogs I haven’t even discovered yet.

❤ to you all


I’m about to go postal on this subject so beware! 

Why oh Why do most young adults nowadays think that they are “ENTITLED” to anything and everything that their parents have earned just because they have it?? Entitlement is the fact of having a right to something. The belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. Really? Who gave you that idea? What did you do to earn any of it? Where did you get this expectation from? When did this happen? Why do you feel that you deserve any of it? And… How on earth are you so damn special to have all of this just handed to you on a silver platter? I am not working my ass off to just give it all to my kids. Shouldn’t I get to enjoy the fruits of my labor that I worked for? They are…

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One in Six

Art by Rob Goldstein

One in Six

This comes to me by way of survivor road.

Research has found that 1 in 6 men had sexually abusive experiences before age 18. A
A 2005 study conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, on San Diego Kaiser Permanente HMO members, reported that 16% of males were sexually abused by the age of 18.

Males who have such experiences are less likely to disclose them than are females.Only 16% of men with documented histories of sexual abuse (by social service agencies, which means it was very serious) considered themselves to have been sexually abused, compared to 64% of women with documented histories in the same study.

Men who have been sexually abused as children are at risk for serious emotional illness.

“Most studies show that the long-term effects of sexual abuse can be quite damaging for both males and females. One large study, conducted by the U.S…

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Going No Contact does not Make You the Narcissist

Very useful post!

Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

I’ll never forget the time when I finally meant business and blocked my Ex from being able to reach me by cell phone.  At first it felt empowering because it was the first in a series of steps to gain my freedom and power back.

But, after a few days, the debilitating guilt set in.

Wasn’t blocking him the same thing as when he gave me the Silent Treatment?  What if he’d finally seen the light and felt remorse for how he’d treated me?  Maybe he was trying frantically to get in touch with me to apologize, and here I was apathetically preventing him from offering his apology.

Didn’t all of these things make me just as heartless and cunning as when he’d ignored me?  What if the “hurt little boy” inside him was reaching out to be rescued?  After all, most of us are aware that ignoring another…

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