Today started off well, after a wonderful meeting with the Operations Manager at my little job. She said that they are extremely happy with me at the Chambers of Commerce and that I seem to be doing my job as a facilities assistant for them very well. There are no complaints whatsoever for everything that I have done so far and it seems that most of the complaints that were popping up before, were actually mostly directed at my friend who introduced me to the job.
Hubby said that they would appreciate my integrity and willingness to do well and it seems he was right! When I started the job alongside my friend, I felt that I would just be helping her out occassionally. Now that she quit, I am working more hours and have a part-time contract. It couldn’t have worked out more perfectly. I very much enjoy working alone and just getting on with it, whilst also exchanging a few brief conversations with the staff that are there daily.
After my shift this morning, I came home and slept for over 3 hours. Instead of waking up and feeling refreshed and happy, I received a call from my mother who wanted to have a serious conversation about my brother.
She started off by saying ‘I wanted to ask you some questions and I ask that you answer as honestly as possible”.
After this introduction, I knew the drama was going to start..I also knew that she must have found out certain things and wasn’t happy with me at all!
She asked me whether I knew that my brother was researching narcissism? I said yes…
She also asked me whether I was the one that dared to plant the seed of telling him (a vulnerable adult with special needs & limited emotional & mental capabilities) about narcissism? I said yes..
She asked me whether I knew that he was calling her a narcissist? I said yes..
She asked me ‘whether I agreed’ and I said yes.
I also told her though that despite my brother’s special needs and limited mental & emotional capacity, he is still very much able to distinguish between what feels right and what hurts him…That she just needs to accept that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to her…
She is pissed off I messed with their relationship and helped him see the reality…
She also insinuated in a childish way that she spoke to his carer and that they are discussing ways of protecting him from me, because he is getting so much worse by isolating himself away from his family..(meaning her) and listening to the unnecessary things I am sharing with him..
He hasn’t isolated himself from his family…Only from her…He talks to me all the time about his finds in narcissism, the art classes he does and how I recommended art as a form of therapy and how they have helped him feel better..(of course I didn’t share this with her..) She is so envious of our closeness and relationship..
She said that it is ridiculous that we think she is a narcissist…that her psychologist who she has known for awhile, only told her that she has mild depression…That if she were a narcissist, she wouldn’t be capable of caring so much for her children and hurting so much..that she wouldn’t have friends…etc etc…Any sane psychologist, knows not to confront a narcissist, by telling them they are a narcissist..
3 of my therapists have confirmed to me that my parents are narcissists through psychological testing..
My mother is always either the victim or a mother just like any other, who has sacrificed everything for her children.
Covert Narcissists wearing the Martyr’s mask–
There is a special kind of covert narcissist who plays the martyr role so convincingly that most people believe he is an individual of extraordinary integrity, even holy. There is always the implication that this person is special because of their extreme self-sacrifice for others. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is part of the covert narcissist’s well rehearsed performance and an excellent way of being seen as a very fine human being.
Dr Linda Martinez-Lewi – The Narcissist in your life
She is pissed off that I wasn’t strong enough to keep my own thoughts to myself and that I had to tell my brother. It’s funny how she still sees me as weak, when in actuality she is the weak one..
I have helped my brother see the light and he has finally made sense of everything that he always sensed all along..My mother has probably harmed him more than she has harmed me, as she has attached herself to him too much because of his special needs. He has been on a pedestal in her eyes due to his disabilities and my mother feels like she sacrificed everything to support him..In part, this is true…Having a special needs child changes everything. It causes a huge imbalance in any family, it causes stress in the marriage and any siblings in the family can feel neglected, unimportant or parentified. She is still a covert narcissist however and nothing will change that unfortunately.
My brother is finally on a healing journey and even if his special needs don’t allow him to completely understand every single detail about narcissism, he at least feels validated, understood, feels that he can protect himself and can make his own decisions..He may be a vulnerable adult with limited intellectual capacities and obsessive tendencies but his heart knows what feels safe and what doesnt! No one can take that away from him…