Last session of EMDR

Thank you to all my recent followers and welcome to my humble abode!

Today I am seeing my therapist again after almost 2 months of not seeing her..

We will be discussing the last session of EMDR we will be doing, to tackle my awful emotional flashbacks when it comes to severe criticism.

Growing up, my father used to help me with my Maths, Physics and Chemistry homework, until it got too much and I always ended up in tears. This was mainly in Secondary school, when things got tougher..Going to Greek school was a pain in the ass, as the way of teaching wasn’t very helpful. A lot of the lessons were mostly taught with the principle of simply memorising what you had learnt, without actually understanding the material.

My father is a perfectionistic overt narcissist (NPD), so everything you did had to be perfect. If you couldn’t understand something, he thought you were stupid. I remember the countless times where we would be doing my homework together when I was 12, 13 years old and he would say things like ”Why can’t you understand it? Are you stupid?”..”How can you not get it, its so simple!”. He would roll his eyes, lose his temper and end up shouting at me. This happened most of the time. I would feel worthless, stupid and unlovable. He treated me differently, he was ashamed of me. He was the sort of person who said ”What would people think?”..

My mother on the other hand, who is a covert narcissist with NPD would always find sly ways to discourage me from ever trying certain things. She would also say you are not good enough, you won’t be able to do it..Don’t be so sensitive, don’t be so pathetic, don’t be so selfish etc etc…You get the idea..So if you think about both your parents constantly criticising you and being unsupportive, then the result is a nervous reck of a person. When it came to learning or trying new things, my self-esteem was almost non existent and I had no idea how to become better, smarter or less selfish!

EMDR is very useful in tackling traumas and emotional flashbacks. The most prominent one I am left with is this tone of voice of annoyed disapproval & criticism.Someone recently found it incredibly ridiculous that I haven’t completed my driving license or learnt German. Simple things to most people, are very difficult for people who were abused their whole life, by the very people who were to supposed to encourage and love them unconditionally.

People who haven’t had to live with flashbacks and trauma and Complex PTSD, have no idea how challenging certain things can be. I generally have no problem learning and trying out new things, if they are things that I am interested in. When it comes to things I find tedious or overwhelming due to my CPTSD, well then it becomes challenging.

Love Athina ❤

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10 thoughts on “Last session of EMDR

  1. I am considering this type of therapy. But for some reason i fear it. Part of me needs control abd I worry about losing control of emotions. I know, counterintuitive. Did you ever have any negative experiences?

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    • I can understand the feeling of not wanting to lose control…The good thing about this sort of therapy is that you are always in control…Yes you revisit old traumas, but EMDR helps you reframe them in a more positive or neutral way. Whenever something gets emotional, you always have the ability to stop and take a break..The therapy is at your own pace..I didnt have any negative experiences apart from being overly anxious before my first session, as I didn’t know what to expect..I had one very emotional session, as I was revisiting a recent trauma (within the last year) about my father’s suicide attempt and I knew that would be a tough one, but I got through it fine and now I feel more neutral towards it. It has helped me immensely and it can help you too if you are able to trust the process, the qualified therapist and yourself. ❤ It can be quite mentally and physically exhausting (the odd headache or need to lie down after) but it is all manageable. x

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  2. Wow, I can relate to this, especially being called “stupid” and “how can you NOT understand something that even a toddler will understand?”, shouting, screaming, etc. It’s seriously messed up.

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  3. Wow its like I was typing that! I live with cptsd and i have the flashbacks and nightmares daily. I also am working on emdr its a different but cool kind of process isnt it? I have so much to get thru i may be doing it for a while but i do believe its helping

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  4. That is such a tough programming to go through…so much of what we are told just isnt true at all but leaves sych a profound imprint. .. will be very interested to hear how the EMDR therapy helps…we also need lots of loving self talk. I hear constant inner criticism ar times….these days I am learning just to notice and answer back lovingly and kindly to support myself…so many of us go through this.

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  5. I well understand this, as I also have Complex PTSD, along with Borderline Personality Disorder. And I also was subjected to trauma by both parents. It has been a long road of therapy, and many different therapists over the years, but I have gotten better. But I’m not there yet. I’m not where I want to be. And so I work with my therapist, and I write.

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