I am back from my holiday in Greece which was extremely hot and I must admit a lot of the time was spent indoors trying to keep cool during the day. My pale skin was always protected with factor 50 sun lotion when we were out and I only went to the beach once. I am not very Greek at all in regards to sun bathing anymore, as I am very conscious of the possibility of skin cancer, after having been burnt a lot as a teenager. I was also ill with a cold and achey body for the first 4 days of my holiday, so was a little grumpy!
Apart from that, it was lovely to see my husband’s family as always, as they are always so welcoming and generous. I managed to see a couple of friends too, but due to the fact that we didn’t have a car, we missed out on a lot of things we could have done. We always used to borrow my father’s business van when we would visit but now that we are estranged, this isn’t a possibility anymore.
The first 2 days we were there, I was thinking a lot about my father, especially due to the recent phonecalls he made to me but just as I have in the last year, I stayed strong and didn’t make any contact.
On the last day of our trip, I was also a little emotional thinking about him as I knew that it would be at least a year until we would next visit Greece. There is always the possibility of him dying and since I haven’t experienced death in close family yet, I don’t know how to feel about it. A lot of the time, I know that my parents’ death would bring me relief on some level, due to the drama and abuse I have endured most of my life. On the other hand, there is still unconditional love there and there would definetely be a certain amount of grief. The fact that I already feel like an orphan however means that whatever happens, I know that I will be ok.
I am shining my inner light & love, as I continue on this journey of life and no matter how many moments of darkness sometimes creep in, I have faith and acceptance in what will come in the future.
I also know that there are so many of you survivors out there, who are also shining your own light & love, by sharing your story and healing those wounds. You are connecting with so many other survivors of abuse and there is a huge support network of people who are cheering each other on!
Much love Athina ♥