Being authentic is so important. If we reveal our authentic selves to those around us, this hopefully also inspires them to be authentic. If people were comfortable in their own skin and didn’t care at all what others thought, they would lead a very liberating life.
We are all in this world together and we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be somebody we are not just because we don’t fit someone else’s judgement of us. We are all imperfect human beings so we shouldn’t be beating ourselves up about our mistakes. We all have struggles and moments of weakness. We all have strong beliefs about what is right and what is wrong but unfortunately we don’t always express our beliefs because we are afraid of what others may think of us. This is a real shame!
I have to admit that although I consider myself an authentic person, I still wish I could be authentic with my mother. Due to her narcissism she has never allowed me to be authentic, no matter how hard I wanted to. I was programmed as a child to fit into this little box of appropriateness and as many times as I have tried in the past to break free, she has aggressively punished me for it.
It is stifling to any child’s development to have to repress their ‘true’ self. When a parent envies their own child, gets angry at it when it disagrees with them, punishes it for trying to spread its’ wings and generally doesn’t allow it to be authentic, this eventually leads to chronic stress and a sense of feeling lost in their own skin. There is confusion and the child grows up to think that they have to be passive and allow others to treat them in a toxic way, just like their parents did. This then leads to more emotional pain in adulthood and the same cycle repeats itself.
As an adult, I would highly recommend low contact or no contact with a toxic parent. Trauma therapy and coaching which focuses on self-empowerment, validation and changing unhelpful thinking patterns is key to recovering the authentic self.
Being around narcissistic parents and narcissists in general makes authenticity difficult as they enjoy playing games and hiding behind a mask. This uneasiness doesn’t inspire those around them to be authentic because if they are authentic, the narcissist will use that to their advantage or will just find a way to cause hurt.The less transparent you are with a narcissist, the better!