Our health is something a lot of us take for granted, amongst other things. We eat unhealthily, drink too much alcohol, smoke and dont exercise. The result is that we complain when we feel sluggish or have a bad cough. We complain when we look older than we are. We complain when we get ill very often and we complain when our significant other is sick of hearing us complain.
When you are younger in your early twenties, possibly at university, you tend to experiment more, party more and generally neglect your health. When you get closer to your 30’s, you start thinking in a more sensible way and can be more more worried about the future. You become more aware that you are putting on more weight, possibly getting ill more and your stress levels are also on the up, due to all the demands of work and parenting. The older we get, the more vulnerable we become. This doesn’t have to be the way it is however. It is up to us to change our lifestyles, reduce our stressors and generally live an active and healthier life. There are many people out there who are in theirs 50’s and have a healthier body than people in their 20’s.
The reason for this particular post today, is because I have spent the last 5 days looking after a very ill husband who never usually gets ill. I mean he has had the odd cold here and there but never full blown flu. A high fever and nasty cough basically makes you feel like the walking dead. Your whole body aches and you are desperate to feel better. Unfortunately, as is usually the case when in close proximity to an ill person, I am also ill with the flu now and feeling utterly miserable. My cough is probably the most annoying part of my flu, as it is a dry cough which hurts my whole body. I am drinking honey and lemon tea all day long, and this bug just doesn’t want to leave me alone. I am so incredibly impatient and also feel very vulnerable.It’s been 3 days now and I have a long way to go still. The vulnerability I feel is a deeper issue, but I can say that I am deeply missing my good health right now. Even trying to write this blog post is hurting my eyes, my head and I feel like I have to go to bed again. Eurgh! How annoying!
As someone who never felt secure or comforted in their own body, I remember feeling extremely vulnerable when I would get the flu as a young child. Luckily, despite my father’s complete and utter hopelessness when it came to dealing with health related matters, my mum was a trained nurse and very sensibly nursed me back to health on many occassions. I felt comforted that she knew what she was doing, however I still missed the affection I so desperately craved. She tried to be affectionate at times but it was never genuine. Every hug felt empty and devoid of any true empathy. A child can sense this. Most of the time I just felt like a burden, as I could see she always had this exhausted, bitter look on her face.
I clearly remember this one time when I was around 9, when the whole family had the flu. I was the only one awake in the house. I remember sitting in the lounge in complete darkness and I felt completely alone and very scared. My Dad was passed out on the sofa from the flu, my mum was passed out in the bedroom and my brother in his room.I guess as a young child, I felt insecure. There was no one to talk to and I guess I knew not to wake them up. I must have thought they were all going to die or something. It was only around 6pm in evening.
This feeling has stayed with me ever since. The feeling of not wanting to be left alone and especially not when I am ill.
I generally feel incredibly lucky to live in a country where healthcare is good, where overall, I have a reasonably healthy body and I have easy access to proper nourishment.Other people dont have this.When I read articles or watch the news on those suffering, I want to help. It isnt fair that they have to suffer more. It isn’t fair that they were born in a war zone or in poverty. That might as well be me or you. I keep saying to myself ”be grateful”or ”imagine if you felt as horrid as you do now, but also didnt have a warm bed, clean water and healthy food”.
I am also very grateful my husband is here. I can’t even begin to count the numerous times I was alone and ill whilst a student and my mother (who lived an hour away on the train) wouldn’t come to even visit me. She didn’t even come when I had a chest infection and a fever of 40 C. My boyfriend at the time said that his mother would come in a heartbeat to look after him, even though she lived 4 hours away.
To those of you who are suffering and are alone at the moment, I feel for you!
I am sorry you feel scared and alone.
I am sorry you don’t feel loved or cared for.
Look after yourself x