Last year when I was grieving, I was thinking about something that many people seem to have told me over the years. Through my numerous ups and downs, friends as well as therapists have told me that I am courageous. As most people with a low self-esteem, I am not really comfortable with compliments. I don’t usually know what to say or whether to believe them.I try to say thank you and really take in what they are saying, especially if I value their opinion. In the last couple of months or so, after multiple times of hearing it over the years, I am finally starting to accept that courage is something that has helped me survive.
It’s really saddening that people with low self esteem struggle to accept compliments which in actuality are just the truth.Why is it so hard for abuse survivors to accept compliments? Does abuse change people so much?
The truth is yes, it does.
Despite this though, there are many courageous survivors. I have met so many of you on this wonderful blogging platform and you are truly inspirational. No matter what you have been through, you are still here fighting and moving forward.
I hope that some of you see this blog post and acknowledge your own courage!
I am acknowledging mine, finally after 33 years.
I have done things I never thought I could. I have left my comfort zone many many times, even though at one point I couldn’t even imagine myself going out the front door. I have moved home more times than I can remember, overseas and to many different cities. I have tried to always believe in the good in people, despite the fact that I was constantly hurt and abandoned. I pushed forward in therapy, even when I didn’t want to deal with anymore pain. I stuck it out in anxiety inducing situations, even though I was terrifed one minute and felt suffocated the next. The last year & a half has been another hellish one and I have still managed to somehow keep going. I am back on anti-depressants but they have helped me cope with life so much more. I am also currently doing EMDR and it isn’t easy re-living your past trauma. I want to keep feeling happier not only for myself but for my husband.Our marriage means the world to me as I finally have someone on my side.
It helps to have others inspiring you.