No contact and feeling guilty

  
I must admit on here that I feel guilty not speaking to my father, even though he isnt speaking to me for ridiculous reasons.  I feel guilty as I was programmed to feel guilty when I was child. I don’t know how to not feel guilty. It is still so ingrained in me but I am working on it.

He chose his money over his own flesh and blood. It still hurts.What I know now however, is that it doesnt really matter anymore what he does or doesn’t do. I still love him and always will. He is my Dad. I will not let him hurt me anymore though. I have already decided I am sticking to ‘no contact’ even if one day he does try to speak to me. 

I am still grieving my loss after his suicide attempt and it’s a hurt that can’t be put into words..

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16 thoughts on “No contact and feeling guilty

  1. I can only imagine how hard it is to go the no contact route. I never could do it with my mother but I did move very far away from her and limited my exposure to her, which was a form of no contact, I guess. I know how much guilt I felt back then and how hard that was. Nothing we can say will make it easier. Just know that you’re not alone and many of us here can relate all too well to what you’re going through. Blessings and Peace, Don

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  2. I am truly sorry over your feelings of guilt, inasmuch as far as I can tell from your posts, none of this was your fault. As you pointed out, a person must put their mental health first; otherwise, there is no possibility for any sort of reconciliation. (If any ever existed.) Guilt can’t help. Setting a good example for others can, however, and I think you’re striving towards that goal. Best wishes.

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    • Thank you, the guilt is strange to explain, but I have been guilt tripped my whole life. My Dad sees himself as the ultimate victim and thinks that I took advantage of him after his suicide. I guess that is what hurts the most. That he thinks I wanted to steal his money, when all I did was try to protect him. Keeping my distance will help me heal quicker.

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  3. Your post has really touched me. I am sorry for your losses and the grief and pain that come with it. A while ago I took part in a trauma healing class and the teacher said that love is a survival need. I can only imagine how hard it is to realize this love will not come from your parents. I hope, going no contact will make you find love within you and other people in your life once the guilt is gone. Keep on working – i think it was/is not your fault!

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    • Thank you so much for your comment. It really helps with the grieving and healing. Deep down, i know none of it was my fault but my Dad was always incredibly good at guilt-tripping me.I have to look after myself and luckily I have a husband to lean on..x

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  4. You are not alone in your feelings and your happiness is not your fault. I too have left my father behind. I could no longer have him in my life (due to sexual abuse and protecting my own son from him) and at times I do feel guilty. My mother, who solely believes in my father has also been cut out of my life. At times I feel like an orphan, my own doing. But then I realize just how much I have grown over the years and how much more content I am in my life. While I have living parents, they are no longer in my life. It’s tough… especially on Mother’s and Father’s Day. But I will get by, with no regret.

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    • Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am very sorry you have felt the awful pain of not having had healthy parents and that you went through such abuse.I am very glad you looked after yourself and your son, however! He has a great Dad at least, which is so important!
      It helps to know i’m not alone but yes I am dreading those sentimental days this year. All I can do is just feel the emotions and get through those days. X

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  5. You’ve touched a nerve with this. I feel the same way about my Sister. Unfortunately she has many of my Mother’s worst traits. And she is dedicated to sustaining the false image of my Mother as perfect.

    She tells me that she loves me but when I call she is always too busy in the moment and then makes a promise to call me back but doesn’t.

    These mixed messages of I love you even as I crawl under your skin and work you over emotionally was standard fare in my family.

    I feel guilty because she is my only Sister and yet I know that the only way to free myself is to stay focused on what really happened.

    It’s hard to get better when the people around you cling to the sickness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry to hear you have suffered greatly in your family. I always look for actions that match the words said. As you point out in your comment, she obviously didn’t show what she was saying. Neither of my parents were capable of properly loving me and my brother who has special needs, is even more confused than me as he tries to comprehend narcissistic abuse now, after 35 years. (I introduced him to youtube videos). The truth will set you free…as much as it hurts, grieving the family you never had, is a start..I wish you all the best x

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  6. I’m in a similar predicament – a tight-fisted father who doesn’t care about his only child. Of course I love him. He’s my father. But I don’t initiate any contact. On the rare occasion he contacts me, I reply as briefly as possible. If he wanted, he could take an active interest in my life. But he’s chosen not to. Thankfully I’ve genuinely made peace with that. Its not easy and it hurts like a bugger, but you’re doing right by yourself

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    • I’m sorry to hear you have a similar situation 😦 I wish less people had these sort of painful experiences but i’m glad you’ve made peace with it at least..It does hurt a lot though!I’m getting there making peace with my situation but it’s so tough because I went through my dad’s suicide attempt and seeing him in ICU.It was devastating for me to see what he did to himself..I was there for him before and after and then he just threw me away like a piece of rubbish..Before that we were getting on reasonably and he managed to be there for my wedding, even though at the time he was already very depressed..Last year was a very shit year but this year I am hopeful I will find some peace..Thanks for sharing! I really appreciate it!

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