How are you dear friends? Today I plucked up the courage to visit my father’s office after 10 days of being back home for the holidays. We hadn’t spoken in 7 months as he had written me off as a daughter. I took some of his money to protect him after his suicide attempt and severe depression in May and also with the hope of protecting myself too from his irresponsible choices. As the very sick man that he is, he lacks empathy, remorse and the healthy ability to connect in an unconditionally loving way with his family. A narcissist/psychopath unfortunately ‘discards’ anybody who does something they don’t agree with or who uncovers his lies and manipulations. This includes family members.
We parked opposite his office and waited for me to compose myself after a few tears when seeing him walking into the office. He still looked skinny and very old for his age. This triggered all the pain from the days after his suicide attempt when in and out of hospital.
After a few deeps breaths, I walked in with my husband to say hello to his colleagues and wish everyone happy holidays. He saw us without expecting it, and all he could say was ‘ do you want to sit’? After that moment his secretary gave us a hug and offered us tea and cakes and spent some time talking to us. He ignored us completely as if we were strangers. He had also removed the photo he had of me as a young teenager, which used to sit on his office desk. I was looking at my Dad as if he was a complete stranger…The fact that we had the decency to go there and be polite, respectful and wish everyone well for the New Year, shows strength. A father who ignores his daughter and treats her like a nobody is extremely shameful!
I lost my Dad the day he attempted suicide and today was the final closure for me. I did everything I could to help him and he abandoned me yet again.
It’s funny how strangers can feel more like family, than your own family does..
I will go to bed with a heavy heart tonight, but also with the relief that he can’t abandon me anymore…