There are a lot of articles floating around at the moment about how difficult the Christmas holidays are for some people. In my own personal experience, I only enjoyed Christmas as a young child when Santa would bring me my presents. It was magical and exciting! As I grew older and the magical side of Christmas faded away, I remember feeling melancholic and sitting by the window wishing that prince charming would take me away and give me lots of love and hugs! I always had such a deep need for love after the age of 12. I craved affection so desperately as I obviously wasn’t getting those needs met in my family.
Now at the age of 33, I am finally making peace with Christmas. I have decided to not put pressure on myself anymore to try and re-create that ‘Happy Christmas’ feeling..This year my husband and I will be going abroad and feel that it isn’t necessary to get a Christmas tree and decorate the flat, as it is a reminder of the deep sadness we both feel for various reasons. We don’t have kids so there isn’t really any reason to do things that don’t bring us joy.
We have some christmas lights on our balcony and instead of a Christmas tree we will bake some gingerbread Christmas cookies and do things ‘our way’. We have bought nice gifts for our nephews as we will be spending Christmas eve with them and we have bought presents for each other, primarily things we both need.
I have made peace with the grief I feel of not having had that ‘special family’ that a lot of my friends seem to have. My husband’s mother died before I got a chance to meet her and apart from his half sister and her 2 kids, he doesnt have other family. My parents are both dysfunctional but my brother is still someone I always try and get nice presents for, as I know he deeply appreciates them. He needs a lot of love and affection, as do I. We have the same need for validation and appreciation, as we obviously know what it is like to not have those needs met.
From this year onwards, I will always make the holidays comfortable on my own terms and if I can help or do something nice for someone who doesn’t expect it, that’s what matters.
How do you plan to spend Christmas?