As some of you know, I have been on ‘no contact’ with my father for nearly 6 months. In 3,5 weeks I will be returning home but it will be the first time I won’t be seeing him. This hurts like hell as the last time I saw him he had attempted suicide and was a completely broken, vulnerable old man.The last time I hugged him, he was recovering in a mental health clinic. It saddens me that he wanted to die because his gold-digging wife wanted a divorce unless he gave her everything she wanted financially. It saddens me that he neglected his diabetes which caused a hematoma on his brain and has aged him 5 years more than he is.
Despite everything I did over the last 15 years to be there for my father, he failed to emotionally ‘be there’ for me. He made a choice in the end and that choice was to remain with his narcissistic wife and turn against me. His fear of being abandoned and his own ‘narcissistic mask’ falling off was too much of a burden for him and along with his depression being untreated, he overdosed..
For 15 years, my father and his wife spent obscene amounts of money living it big, showing off and of course being numb to any real emotion,empathy or love. 80% of the time they controlled each other and were nasty to each other, were abusive to their 12 year old boy (my half brother), were abusive towards myself and my brother and finally enough is enough!
I said goodbye to the Dad I so desperately held onto all these years, the day I saw him in intensive care. I said goodbye in case I lost him..and even though he didn’t die, I lost him anyway as he abandoned me once again..I didn’t do what he wanted, so he discarded me like a piece of garbage..