Even though I am away from home and been in New York for 3 weeks, I still managed to create some art last night which made me feel very happy ..I brought some marker pens with me, but obviously couldn’t bring too many of my art supplies as we already had 2 suitcases each. After exploring so much over the last 3 weeks I didn’t get round to doing any doodling..and that is a good thing I guess..I have been busy enough enjoying my new surroundings and not stuck at home for too many hours ruminating over things that are painful..New York has been a breath of fresh air and a new bonding experience for my husband and I..
On the other hand, it’s been 5 months since the traumatic suicide attempt of my father and nearly 4 months of no contact with him..I have been feeling much better about it all after having some distance..I grieved a lot after it happened and it would catch me by surprise sometimes when out in public…Since being here in NY I’ve only had one tearful moment thinking about him lying in that bed bruised & swollen in a coma. It was on our 1 year anniversary..He helped arrange our wedding last year and it meant the world to me that he was there, especially because he was already very depressed back then and I had a bad feeling that something would happen to him…but now things have changed..The bad thing happened and it will never be the same again…I lost my dad that day even if he is still alive..
This time in New York is so precious right now and such a great distraction for me..I am appreciating every moment of it as I know that when we return home, I will start processing all my traumas in therapy with EMDR which will be tough work and also my husband and I will be returning to Greece for 3 weeks holiday at Christmas/New year. It will be the first time I am going ‘home’ where I am not on talking terms with my father..It will be emotional for me and very difficult..My husband deserves a holiday though, as he hasn’t had a real one this year..Our February & May holiday in Greece was ruined by my Dad’s severe depression & suicide attempt and I can see my husband is desperate for a ‘real holiday’ as even NY is work for him. He said that if anything happens with my father, he will immediately return home and stay away..As much as that holiday will be a huge challenge for me, at least we have my husband’s sister to spend our time with at Christmas..
There is always hope & love somewhere in all the chaos and drama..I try to hold onto that to keep going and very grateful to have more of that in my life now, than I ever did before..
Thanks for reading x