Art saves the day once again..
My mandala above and my doodling-zentagle below..Art is keeping me once again sane at the moment, especially when I am feeling overwhelmed with grief from the last year. It takes so long to heal when a parent attempts suicide, even more so when they discard you, shame you, make you out to be the weak one, the crazy one, the one at fault all the time..
I fluctuate between anger & grief all the time at the moment..I think about how much more awful it would have been if I hadn’t met my husband..I would have been completely alone trying to cope with all the crazyness again..as I had been all my life…At least now, for the first time I have someone to lean on, to talk to, to hug…
I am so grateful for this gift of love after 29 years of confusion & complete emptyness..At least now my emptyness is a little less…True intimacy is such a gift, especially for someone who has never experienced unconditional love..
So thank you to all my therapists over the years which enabled me to get this far…Thank you for helping me see life through ‘a healthier pair of eyes’..It is such a gift and I hope one day that I can ‘pay this gift forward’ when I become an art therapist..I am already trying to pay this gift forward by sharing my experiences, my hope, my knowledge..I helped so many friends over the years, and I guess I used to be made fun of when I was at uni for be-friending all the ‘losers’ and helping them out..I don’t care about that..I am proud that I did that..I am proud that my pain enabled me to be compassionate and empathetic and that made me want to improve other people’s lives..