My struggles with mental health since my childhood made me ask many questions. I sensed that things weren’t normal, when my friends at school said I was always too serious. Even though it took me a very long time to make sense of it all, I am grateful to be recovering. Hopefully in 5 years from now, I will be able to live a happier,more peaceful life but at the moment I am happy for the progress I have made and the knowledge I have acquired.
Narcissism is a very destructive disorder and is deeply disturbing for those entangled in its’ web. For those of you familiar with this, you are not alone and I am so sorry you have also suffered. Narcissists are emotional vampires and keep taking until their victims are a nervous wreck.
In my case however, I also grew up with a special needs brother, which also made my life very difficult. I felt overly responsible for him from 8 years old and took on the role of parent for him too. His needs were always more important, as he was the ‘disabled child’. All the focus and attention was on making his life better and easier. My needs & wants seemed to not matter at all. I wasn’t allowed to be a child and play when I wanted. I had to help with my brother, I had to help with dinner, I had to help with something! I was such a serious child and the only way I could express my anger, sadness and frustration was through art & poetry.
In a way, I had 3 emotional vampires in my family. My narcissistic parents were the worst because they had a choice to behave better and didn’t. My brother on the other hand couldn’t help it as he was disabled. It wasn’t his fault his IQ was below the norm and he suffered from epileptic fits and an inability to look after himself.
My dad was always hiding at work and avoiding most responsibilities at home. He barely knew my brother and his special needs. He didn’t even know when my brother was having an epileptic fit.
I hated it! I hated not having a normal older brother, I hated that I felt so lonely and sad and I hated that my parents were so emotionally distant to my needs.
I also hated walking round on eggshells when my parents were not getting on. My dad wouldn’t talk to my mum for weeks and this silent treatment transferred to us kids. This leads to the next image below which is something my dad is currently doing to me at the moment. It is extremely painful, as I know it will end up being my fault that he isn’t contacting me. I refuse to play his game though and staying as far away as possible. It is better this way as I can focus on myself. Have you had any experience with a narcissist’s silent treatment?