Complex trauma, narcissistic parental abuse & sibling disability..

way out is through

My struggles with mental health since my childhood made me ask many questions. I sensed that things weren’t normal, when my friends at school said I was always too serious. Even though it took me a very long time to make sense of it all, I am grateful to be recovering. Hopefully in 5 years from now, I will be able to live a happier,more peaceful life but at the moment I am happy for the progress I have made and the knowledge I have acquired.

Narcissism is a very destructive disorder and is deeply disturbing for those entangled in its’ web. For those of you familiar with this, you are not alone and I am so sorry you have also suffered. Narcissists are emotional vampires and keep taking until their victims are a nervous wreck.

In my case however, I also grew up with a special needs brother, which also made my life very difficult. I felt overly responsible for him from 8 years old and took on the role of parent for him too. His needs were always more important, as he was the ‘disabled child’. All the focus and attention was on making his life better and easier. My needs & wants seemed to not matter at all. I wasn’t allowed to be a child and play when I wanted. I had to help with my brother, I had to help with dinner, I had to help with something! I was such a serious child and the only way I could express my anger, sadness and frustration was through art & poetry.

In a way, I had 3 emotional vampires in my family. My narcissistic parents were the worst because they had a choice to behave better and didn’t. My brother on the other hand couldn’t help it as he was disabled. It wasn’t his fault his IQ was below the norm and he suffered from epileptic fits and an inability to look after himself.

My dad was always hiding at work and avoiding most responsibilities at home. He barely knew my brother and his special needs. He didn’t even know when my brother was having an epileptic fit.

I hated it! I hated not having a normal older brother, I hated that I felt so lonely and sad and I hated that my parents were so emotionally distant to my needs.

I also hated walking round on eggshells when my parents were not getting on. My dad wouldn’t talk to my mum for weeks and this silent treatment transferred to us kids. This leads to the next image below which is something my dad is currently doing to me at the moment. It is extremely painful, as I know it will end up being my fault that he isn’t contacting me. I refuse to play his game though and staying as far away as possible. It is better this way as I can focus on myself. Have you had any experience with a narcissist’s silent treatment?

silent

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8 thoughts on “Complex trauma, narcissistic parental abuse & sibling disability..

  1. I can totally relate with the ‘being serious’ part. It’s funny that I was the golden child yet very socially awkward, sensitive and serious. People I schooled with always comment on my seriousness and get thoroughly amazed that I can be fun to be around whenever they get lucky to witness that.
    On the other hand, my sister the scapegoat, has way better social skills than me. I just think that being too attached to my mum as a result of being the golden child made me suck in all her disorders. One thing about my mum is that she hardly makes friends and doesn’t care. I on the other hand yearn for friendship, constantly feel left out even when people are present in the room and care too much what people think about me. I instead act guarded to mask my real feelings.
    Narcissism sucks. It denies you the chance to grow normally and to live normally. It needs a hellova job to get over the abuse. I grew up witnessing my parents bickering all the time. It was downright unhealthy but now that i’m an adult I realize that I never saw a healthy side of marriage. I only saw the quarels and insults. And yes, i’m very familiar with the silent treatment intended to hurt me to the core by my narc mum.

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    • I was mostly the scapegoat and sometimes the golden child when it suited my parents. My friends kept me going when I was a young girl and later as a teenager. I always escaped through my friends and the longer I stayed away from home the better! I am also very self conscious and worry what people think and my mum kept me very close and used me as her therapist, friend, cheerleader etc…I’m sorry you have suffered so much too! I wish this wasn’t the case for so many of us. All we can do is focus on our healing and be grateful for our new found knowledge and progress…Sorry for the late reply. ❤

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  2. I empathize with you greatly. I am reminded everyday from flashbacks of my dad being incredibly mean to me and projecting his shame and inferiority onto me. He thought he was superior and no one had to right to question anything he says or does. I cannot go around him or talk to him. It hurts and I have to accept the fact that I will never have the dad I wanted and needed.

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  3. This is such a brave post. Thank you so very much for sharing. I’m learning so much from you, my friend. I wish it didn’t have to be this way (and I know I keep saying this), but you are a survivor. You’re aware. And by taking the road less traveled, you’re healing. You’re getting stronger and stronger every day. As sad as it is to come to terms with everything, it’s empowering you, and it’s such a joy to witness you growing, blossoming, and becoming the lovely woman you were meant to be. Thank you for helping me take off my “blinders.” You are a true inspiration, and I can’t thank you enough for that. BIG hugs and so much love sent your way. ❤

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    • I am so so happy that my writings are helping you. When you know how painful something is and you know what things might help, then you will do anything you can to help others. I am so blessed to have found therapists in the past to help me. If they hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here now. It is truly rewarding to heal and also help others on their journey. It heals you too! Much love sent to you too my dear. x

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  4. I actually have almost the same situation. My dad is a complete narcissist, my mom is a co-narcissist and my sibling is specially disabled and for me, I am an extreme introvert. I grew up never needing anything, never saying anything and never having to set any boundaries for myself. I grew up learning that my opinions are not crucial or not important, my problems are not a problem, my feelings are irrelevant. Back in school, I never got my parents to praise me for anything. I am always overlooked, my accomplishments are irrelevant and when problems arises, I would always get scolded. I have few friends and a single best friend. I don’t have anyone I could talk to within my family and I can’t just whine at my bestfriend about it. I mean, I love my bestfriend and I know that she’s having a good time at her job and friends and I would never want her to feel down or sad about me because I want her to always be happy and also because I know that she has worries of her own.

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    • Thanks for commenting and I am sorry to hear you also grew up in a very similar way. How do you cope with life now, if you don’t mind me asking? You sound very insightful and you are definetely not irrevelant! I know how it feels. Hugs

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