I have been doing lots of these type of drawings at the moment, a bit like what you would find in a colouring book. Sometimes I like them more in just black & white. Black and white I feel tells my story. It symbolizes a lot for me..
My battle between my depression & my peace, my desire to reveal certain hidden sides of myself and heal them..
Black & white when thought of generally, can bring to mind things like ying & yang, positive/negative space, dark/ light, black & white thinking etc..
White on it’s own can mean purity, innocence, wholeness and completion.
Black on it’s own can mean the color of the hidden, the secretive and the unknown, creating an air of mystery. It keeps things bottled up inside, hidden from the world.
Generally at the moment I have been struggling with the fluctuating emotions of anger and sadness in regards to the extreme behaviour of my narcissistic parents..This type of grief work is very tough!
How easily I went from the most ‘loved’ person to them, to the most worthless, ‘discarded’ person when I did something that my parents didn’t like or couldn’t handle..
I need to keep telling myself that I will no longer rely on my parents, seek their approval, or expect anything, as in the last 8 months I have had to face the reality of their pathology.
I have been fluctuating for years in my emotions towards them, as I didn’t know they were narcissistic. I just knew they were emotionally messed up and made lots of mistakes as parents. Knowing they are narcissistic has made such a huge difference in the way I relate to them, speak to them and think of them.
I am honest enough with myself to accept that these fluctuating feelings of grief & anger are going to be around for a long time to come, but that is ok. It is ok because I know & I understand now.
I will therefore continue my black & white doodles, mandalas and anything else that helps me cope. Just to end this post on a positive note, I have included the coloured version of the above drawing too. For me colour = happiness
Copyright of Child Within – Healing from trauma