Narcissists and their relationship to money

Most of us would love to have designer clothes, delicious food, exquisite jewellery, a nice car or an extravagant home. Usually this is partially achieved through working hard and very possibly treating ourselves occasionally to something extra special. Most healthy people, remain quite humble in their possession of money and are still able to have loving, mutually giving relationships. They are not focused on showing it off or using it to control others.

On the other hand, many narcissists are obsessed with money. They spend a lot of time thinking about how much money they have, how to get more of it and how to hide it from others including family members and partners. Money substitutes love and affection for narcissists. Being authentic and human takes a back seat. Having as much money as possible, even stealing it away from family members, is the narcissist’s constant goal. Thoughts about obtaining more money never leave this person’s mind. Having lots of money makes them feel more entitled & superior to others. Moneyed narcissists are always looking down on others who have not done as well as them. It isn’t knowledge, wisdom, inner peace or insight they are seeking. It is knowing that they have achieved their greatest goal—being able to have whatever they desire and to attract other people whom they can easily exploit. They are deeply controlling with their money and even when they think they are giving money to ‘help’ family or friends, it is actually done in return for constantly having loyal followers. In intimate relationships, (marriages) they are financially abusive and make sure that they are ‘completely in control’ of the finances as much as possible. They have bank accounts scattered all over the place, and even if they do share bank accounts with their grown children or partners, they make sure that they are the only ones that have access to the bank details or credit cards.

In my personal experience, when narcissists get to a point in their life where they might lose some of their money, through a divorce or through a financial crisis, they get extremely depressed and even suicidal. If they suspect that a family member knows details of bank accounts or has access to credit cards, they get extremely paranoid and believe that all their money will be stolen.

When a narcissist uses money to control their partner, and that partner decides to leave them and threatens to take their money, they become desperate, more aggressive and make bigger threats.


These are some examples of financial abuse:

  • Giving you an allowance and closely watching what you buy.

  • Placing your paycheck in their account and denying you access to it.

  • Keeping you from seeing shared bank accounts or records.

  • Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours you do.

  • Preventing you from going to work by taking your car or keys.

  • Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer or coworkers on the job.

  • Refusing to give you money, food, rent, medicine or clothing.

  • Using funds from your children’s tuition or a joint savings account without your knowledge.

  • Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same.

  • Giving you presents and/or paying for things like dinner and expecting you to somehow return the favor.

  • Using their money to hold power over you because they know you are not in the same financial situation as they are.


Narcissists cause chaos and are emotional vampires. They cause destruction and stress to their loved ones. They create problems through poor money management or by getting involved in illegal money transactions. Their greed is insatiable and they will go to any lengths to obtain more.

I am the daughter of 2 narcissistic parents and have watched them use money to control & threaten. I have also watched them make ridiculously stupid choices due to their greed to have more.

If you are currently involved with a partner who does any of the above, please get help and leave now and don’t accept money from these people. Stay detached as much as possible. Talk to a close ‘safe’ person in confidence about your situation and ask for help.

Please take care.

If you have any questions or want to share you story, please leave a comment below.

Lots of love x


6 thoughts on “Narcissists and their relationship to money

  1. You have explained this perfectly. When both of my parents were still together, we were financially able and this was evident even from looking at how our house was furnished. My narc mum would always bring visitors over with the sole intention of letting them see our house. Then she would smile satisfactorily at how awed her visitors were by our house then later brag about it including to my sister and I. When my dad left, we tumbled financially, lost every earthly possession in the process due to my mum’s stupid choices with money and had to move in with relatives which we still reside with till date.
    My narc mum has never recovered from our financial ruin. She started by neglecting her appearance unlike in the past when she had always been very particular with her appearance. She shut out some of the friends she had while we were financially able and would frequently vent her frustrations to my sister and I.
    Another thing with my narc mum is that she has always been selfish with her money pre and post divorce. It was hard getting her to lend us pocket money, take us to hospital when ill, pay for our education and the likes. Surprisingly, she would always buy us expensive clothes or stylish clothes so that other people could see how much of a good sense of style she had.
    My narc mum has constantly refused to get out of her comfort zone and failing business to try something more profitable. Mostly because making financial sacrifices for her children has never been her thing. Funnily enough, whenever my sister and I make any money, she salivates it and demands that we give her since she has raised us. Her demands for money from us are always laced with her manipulation tactics, sense of entitlement and desire to take us on a guilt trip. She will never humble herself and borrow money from us neither will she politely wait for us to set aside finances for her as is ever our intention, instead she will make outrageous demands and throw a fit when she senses hesitation from us
    In recent times, I have finally discovered this never ending greed in her when money is involved and it is downright irritating.


    • Thanks for sharing your experience here.
      I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with the fall out of all this carelessness with money that narcs are so good at! It is so ridiculous and it’s worse than a child with pocket money! I have never had my parents ask me for money,(although had my mum’s envy ) but just watching the controlling and abusive behaviour of my father with my mum and now his 2nd narcissistic wife is just horrid. Both my parents would be much more financially stable now, if they hadn’t made poor choices in the past due to their greed of getting more. Luckily I am not like them and value money in a different way to them. I am grateful when I have it and much more careful with it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Now that I read your piece. My husband is forever thinking about the future. Our future, our kids future in terms of how money should be distributed and accumulated. He claims he hates money as he spends as much as he makes yet there is always a need of more. And the lying….


      • Yes your posts help me understand the way a Narcissist’s brains work. As long as I can figure out how his brain works, I can understand why we have both complemented each other and how I can maneuver a way out of it. Take your time, my blog has so many topics throw in, but the main focus is my husband.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This is something I have gone through, I too have narcissistic parents that has caused me to think there was something wrong with me when I made money and started to save up my own mother wanted my money. IT was enough that she stole $16k of in insurance money that hs left me pretty desolate. I am 29 years old and I can’t go to work anymore because of the fact that she stole my money to replace a car with my father and used it to replace kitchen appliance. I was Pissed. I am trying to find work from home jobs and finding ways to make the changes in my life but to no avail. I feel extremely frustrated whereas I have narcissist parents who don’t care about their children but care about their own greed and stop you from living your own life. My mom is a self-centered woman even though she says she isn’t she is. I don’t know how to travel when where I live you need to have a car to drive in the suburbs or you are in a tough spot. She then goes on telling her friends that I am not doing anything and I am home with my son 24/7. Well, What do you expect me to do when you take income and expect me to figure it out without my insurance check to replace my car. Then she goes on putting blame on me for what she has taken. Then tries to act all innocent in all she does and it puts me in a position where I feel like the liar and the fraud.

    This person is often the type who is always thinking as if nothing is her fault, everything is someone else’s fault even when I was a child my mother blamed me for her mistakes instead of taking ownership of it. My grandmother does the same thing so its like now I know where the traits come from and the apple does not fall too far from the tree.

    I need help with transportation whereas I need to drive again and get my life back on track with my own finances and I can’t do that if I am unable to do what needs to be done or can’t drive the damn car. I am feeling quite trapped in the house, Whenever you confront her like a child she throws a fit. When I tell her no for something she will try and use guilt trip. All because she doesn’t have a maid she expects me to clean up after her. If I don’t get to my stuff right away because I am doing other things it’s my fault. It gets done but it has to be on her timetable. I even told her this if she has problems with her stuff and it’s not being cleaned than go clean it up. I will say it and I will stand up for myself she has issues she needs to put on her grown-up panties on and deal with it because I have dealt with her BS long enough that I am taking a stand.

    Anything that you own it seems like my mother owns, she thinks that everything belongs to her even when you worked for it, nothing is a gift, because you bore a kid she can tell the child what to do. I don’t accept that. I have an almost 2-year-old and he is growing fast and I want to protect him from my Narcissistic mother as much as I can while under her abusive roof. It is not an easy thing to do when you are feeling quite agitated by her It becomes frustrating and stressful because everything coming from her house is negative and then she wonder’s why nothing is working out, well, you created this reality that is causing the problem.

    My mom puts this in my face how I am a single mom who is unemployed who can’t even get a job, Well what do you expect when you took $16k 2 years ago and put me in a spot that you created. You created your self-fulling prophecy about me when you decided to taken insurance check. She will try anything to put a guilt trip on me and then play the poor me victim go to her friends about it. When I said that she had another fit coming. My sister and my dad are no help because they enable her behaviors and it is also causing me to feel even worse trying to get out of this mess because she needs someone to blame for what she has created.

    These people need to have control they need to feel like they are in power when really they are scared little children who have nothing to go by on and then when people leave them to have their own life they feel abandoned well it serves you right the way you treat people around you because you get what you deserve in the end. She does not want to see it and prefers to block it out. At least I know the truth about her behaviors and what she is. This Is a truly sick twisted thing they go on in their own mind and they can get away with it.


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