Some useful books for those of you dealing with complex trauma, abuse & learning to set healthy boundaries.
I have read these books and they helped me understand a lot about why I act the way I do and why certain things don’t feel comfortable or safe. It talks about the differences between healthy & unhealthy behaviours in families and relationships.
Having grown up with narcissistic parents (one malignant, one covert) and a special needs brother I had to stuff down all my feelings and wasn’t even allowed privacy as a teenager. I wasn’t allowed to express feelings of sadness for having a special needs brother, I never got to grieve or wasn’t even allowed to be angry or be sad. This developed into depression & complex Post traumatic stress. I was manipulated into doing what my parents wanted me to do, even though it wasn’t in my best interest.I was constantly being lied to by my father, undermined & having my boundaries invaded again and again by both my parents, whilst at the same time being abandoned constantly.
I guess most of us who our trying to improve our lives after abuse will read books, articles, blogs etc to try and gain insight into our thoughts, feelings & behaviour. I have noticed this is something a lot of survivors do. Otherwise, those who don’t have the knowledge or who are not ready to face their pain as survivors will turn to more destructive ways to self sooth, such as forming unhealthy addictions, doing drugs to escape & other compulsive behaviours. This is something I did a long time ago, but now I am trying to sit with the uncomfortable feelings instead of numbing them. It isn’t always possible but I keep trying..
I hope some of you find these books helpful.