Dots, dots & more dots…and ouch, my eyes hurt!

This kept me busy and focused…I must admit I needed a break half way through doing this, as my eyes started getting tired..Too many dots…

The Pastel sharpie pens are really nice…and I didn’t use black, so I am moving towards change…(I love using black)

dots  dots 2

I must admit..I am not sure this particular illustration eased my anxiety.. I think the dots drove me crazy a little..but maybe they just resembled my anxious state..Its my birthday tomorrow and I turn 33..In the last 6 years, birthdays have been a little strange with anxiety creeping up on me…

It might be that I have had some disappointments..My Dad forgot my birthday twice..Once when I was 20 and once last year..This was deeply upsetting…Last year especially, I remember he was stressed about money because he wasn’t earning anymore to support the crazy demands of his gold-digging wife…He did however remember to go to the bank and put quite a ‘big amount of savings’ into a 1 year no access savings account. This money will be free to use tomorrow..I am wondering whether he will remember my birthday tomorrow?! or whether he will be going to the bank to get his money..All he cares about since his suicide attempt is his money…There really isn’t any humility or understanding of what he put me through! It really is sad, because he really isn’t that poor…There is so much worse out there, with people barely making ends meet and not able to feed their families..

Anyway, I am not expecting anything tomorrow so at least there will not be any disappointments anymore..I will just have to take my little ‘child within’ by the hand and tell her that she is loved by me. Thank you for reading!  Time to have a nice bubble bath and go to bed!

a

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2 thoughts on “Dots, dots & more dots…and ouch, my eyes hurt!

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