Poetry is therapeutic..

I started writing poems and keeping a journal when I was 13..It helped me a lot with expressing my feelings & thoughts and feeling a little better when I was depressed or feeling lonely..Looking back on my journals in 2012, I felt incredibly triggered by all the pain and depression I felt in the mid 90’s..Every single day for months on end I was writing about my sadness, my anger and my frustration because I couldn’t express these feelings to my parents..If I did, there were always consequences.So I learnt to keep them to myself..

In the early weeks of meeting my now husband, I told him about my painful childhood and he suggested that I do something cathartic and burn those journals..Reading them just brought back my pain and made me re-live every sad moment…We decided to burn them on a barbecue in my Dad’s house..I felt a little sadness when they were burning but mostly I felt a feeling of release…It felt good to know that I couldn’t read about every single day, every single tear, heartbreak, abandonment, argument or trauma..I carry these memories around anyway as my body and brain remember..I am stuck in this state of hyperarousal & trauma..

I would like to share one of my most personal poems that I wrote about my narcissistic parents..I didn’t realise that they were narcissistic at the time..I just knew that my emotions were caused by their behaviour..


PERSEVERANCE

Tears tease the tumultuous calmness of my inner child

transforming it into a beast

Β where did innocence go?

hear my heart talking gibberish,

there is guilt engraved inside me

simple thoughts trap, tangle, torment my familiar world

feeding my demons, nourishing your hopeless selfishness,

Your existence is my sorrow,

your bleeding is my death,

I’m handcuffed to the past

you are crying in the future

Will I ever be free?

My mind’s cruel art

demolishes any sculpture of joy

familiarity feels safe,

is safety my illusion?

Dreams don’t lie in repetition

revealing your reality

Unlocking the key to my sanity

grieving your brutal honesty

I cherish me

hope is in my heart

like a snake’s skin I shed you

little by little

I am free..

This poem is a Copyright of My Child Within – Please do not use it as your own!

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5 thoughts on “Poetry is therapeutic..

  1. Your husband really decided perfectly to ask you to burn those stuffs. I know it’s really easy to give advice but I would recommend you to forgive and forget. I know you’ve gone through so much pain but you are special. Don’t let your past ruin your future πŸ™‚ Look on the brighter side right now. maybe you’re not that blessed to have a responsible parents, but at least God has rewarded you to have an understanding husband πŸ™‚ Take Care. To God be the glory. πŸ™‚

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          • Okay. πŸ™‚ Always remember that you are precious πŸ™‚ I know its hard to go out of your zone/past but living with it and trying to remember all the pain will only make it worst. I’m also going through a lot and its hard not to complain -,- We all have that frustrations within us and its really hard to recover coz everyday its like going back again and again but its our right to be happy. Isn’t it? Go girl. Continue to be an inspiration to everyone. πŸ™‚

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